Last year around this date we were in India for sometime enjoying and enduring the season there. One day, we released a video of our progress which many received with heavenly applause. However, in that video was also a moment of sharp disagreement. Only those who know our family deeply took cognizance of it. We do make jokes that ours is instant justice. No room for dealing with the matter tomorrow, tunamalizana papo hapo kwa upendo na upenyo.
As we celebrate 18 years we have no magic. Rather, we have some lessons to share from our journey. It is a blissful, and blessed but also burdensome journey. Each day is creating lemonade out of it.
Reliance on God. The words of the officiating minister still ring in my ear. He was categorical that what we were starting in Christ and under Christ must remain of Christ. If we make it to be ours we fail and fall. Here we pray and dwell in prayer both in the lounges of the sitting room and bed room. We study and reflect on God’s word together and learn from it what Christian marriage is. Our best couple in the Bible has remained Priscilla and Acquilla.
Build family values and virtues. We are a church and ministry loving family. Candour, hospitality,generosity, truthfulness and accountability are at our core. These are not to be sacrificed at the altar of convenience or personal ambition and self aggrandizement.
Candour– honest and open minded conversations. This trait defines us. We do not hold grudges, thoughts or ideas from each other. We say it as it is and take it as it is. Because this was exposing our rough edges to each other, we sometimes back began a talk on the Holy Spirit fruit of kindness and gentleness to one another. We are improving.
Be graceful to oneself and to your spouse. Neither beat yourself too hard nor deal with your spouse as another demi god. We are all human and can lose your sense of self or your spouse because of not being gracious.
Expectations create unnecessary pressure. Keep them to bare minimum. High expectations make a marriage not work. Many couples have huge expectations about thrilling and thriving bed room life, robust culinary and cleanliness mastery, growth and progress in economic and social well being. Reality: we are opposites in these areas and how we manage this tension leads to success or not.
Build spiritual, social, emotional and physical intimacy. That order is important because foundation is key. If you start from physical intimacy , it will crumble. A sex addicted society is taking us there and we are failing big time. Pray and study God’s word together then build close friendships with others and the outcome is a couple that is emotionally connected.
Your best couple, parents and officiating minister deserves honour always. Keep this relationship strong, firm and friendly. It should flourish. Personal experience has shown that where these relationships are strained is a fertile ground for conflicts not with them but between the two who are married.
Grow in your marriage. It is possible to get stuck and fail to experience the marriage offers- character, communication,chemistry among others. Each day is an opportunity for continuous learning.
Communicate. In marriage, there is not just communication but overcommunication. We communicate with words, actions, signals, body language etc. It is the place where literally everything counts including when one does not communicate- this is still taken as serious communication. Being conscious of communication and intentionally, deliberately and consciously undertaking this business is key. In my family we talk, we create whatsApp groups for us. It is our main business.
Fighting fairly. Here we fight and fight. Both of us are stubborn and highly opinionated so we square it out till we laugh and hug. Forgive always. Marriage is probably the only place where one spouse can be an accuser, prosecutor, witness and judge. It is a tough one but learning to forgive Jesus way of seventy times seven per day is key to personal and family healing. Ninakosea, ninakosewa na tunakosana. Make forgiveness an immunization injection to boost your immunity since being offended is obvious.
Therapy. We almost lost our marriage in year five due to frequent and incessant quarrels. To date, we do not know what our conflicts were about. However, we formed a peer couples group which made us realise we were not alone. The Moto moto couples fellowship is one very authentic couples fellowship. Here we say it as it is, become vulnerable, cry and ultimately come out stronger. We learn from each other and realise that the challenges we experience are common to all.
I have continued to reflect on marriage and most probably, new rules may need to be rewritten concerning marriage among Gen Zs. Theirs is a different story. Majority have huge expectations, are impatient and believe on nollywood marriages.
It looks like yesterday when we met at the workplace. Office romance brewed as two young singles met and hearts and heads connected spiritually, socially and emotionally.
A month later I gathered courage to speak my heart out. Not long after I got the response, and we began this journey of planning for our marriage.
Her first call when we went out for a date was to her mother to tell her “amempata mtu”. That call at “Mon ami” restaurant was a sign that it was not just the acceptance but that she was a testament of seriousness.
It has been eighteen years of friendship and now seventeen years of marriage. We are celebrating it in a far land, several thousands of miles from our native land. We never imagined this but we give God all the glory.
I remember on 15th December, 2007 when I had to wake up at 6am to go drop painkillers for this lady. She needed them so that she could remain painless during the wedding ceremony. We had to ensure the walking was not long and the officiating minister finished the ceremony without much delay.
Everyday of these years have been adventurous. A woman is an institution of higher learning. As a man I keep on presenting research papers and the criticism is top notch. When I imagine I have nailed it, then I discover there is a lot of room for improvement.
This my friend is a resilient, intelligent and highly focused human. I have enjoyed our marriage. My heart deeply cherishes her because she chose me and stuck with me. My ministry glows and grows because she knows how to weed, prune and top dress my life.
What are the lessons from my journey?
Marriage is work
Whoever said that we were getting inside to get honey was right. However, they never told us how we have to take care of the bees and that during harvesting we will be bitten by them. Here is a place of work. You learn to be sent. You switch off the lights, check that the home is secure. Go to bed together, cover her neatly, pull the net, switch off the lights even if the bed switch is nearer her. Never be deceived..lazima upalilie mapenzi.
Small, simple and silly things we must do
Marriage does not require you to be tight like the traditional man or polygamous man who does not play with his woman. Take time to play with your spouse. We do cheeky things together to make this thing spicy otherwise it becomes too boring. Kiss her forehead unexpectedly. Slap her from behind. Look at her in the eyes and remind her of your love.
Communicate
Technology has come in so handy but we are not taking advantage as much as is expected. We talk every three hours when I am away and it has become a habit. As a couple, you cannot stay a whole day at work and not engage your spouse in the name of being busy. Imagine even in those busy schedules you are talking to other men or women. The smiles at the workplace from the other gender never stops coming even if genuine so remember to reach back to your spouse and smile there too.
Fight fairly
We have continued to challenge each other to be kind and gentle while fighting, especially the tough and rough conversations. Couples are like siblings who are following each other by birth. The disagreements are common. The irritation is guaranteed. Fighting with love, compasion, mercy and grace makes it better. Don’t tear one another like scavengers. Be kind. Be gentle. It doesn’t make your point to lose meaning or sense.
Family altar
In a love relationship, there are four forms of intimacy a couple needs to develop. Spiritual intimacy, social intimacy, emotional intimacy and physical intimacy. I have put them in the order of the foundation to the apex. Build a solid system of praying and reading the Scripture together. Challenge one another on personal and family spiritual growth. When God’s altar is established and raised then He enables the couple to build a firewall. While at this I do not mean spiritual activities but building one’s personal relationship with Christ then extending it as partners.
Love versus commitment
We always look forward to enjoying erotic aura all our marriage days. However, life brings a fruit salad of experiences of bitter and sweeter, of loathing and loving, of wanting to be near and distant. Because romantic love has its roots in feelings, commitment is the way of success. Commitment is the glue stick for staying on even when the heart feels like quitting.
Build a community
Modern society has destroyed the traditional norms that made marriage work in a community of love and friendship. We have to build fresh friendships with the new communities we now have. It is out of these communities that you get to have peer to peer accountability partners who helps you watch over your marriage. It is especially critical that one have a couples community where you learn from each other. Our experience from Ndoa and Moto Moto couples taught us that it is easy to learn and deal with your marital challenges as you get to know that every other couple experiences these challenges and are dealing with them victoriously.
Best couple relationship
This is not just friends but a family of building strong friendship for wise counsel and growth together. Everytime I engage a couple with deep issues and ask them where their best couple is. There is usually a very frosty relationship. They have lost touch. They have had issues and cannot press on with them. Lesson: Learn to stick with them or look for new ones.
Create moments for yourselves
Every marriage relationship is as unique as the people in it. Create your own moments. Even in every stumbling block, there is a way of making it to be a stepping stone. Every problem can be a progress made in the right direction. Take advantage even when not in the moods and create the necessary oxytocin. These hormones bring excitement for love.
Forgive every day every time
Here is the place where you will be hurt to the core. You will feel like it was not worth it. Forgiveness is the antidote in dealing with the ever present challenges. Some mistakes are routinely repeated. Some come a few times. Some are obvious but common sense fails to prevail. In all, look at your spouse with grace and offer a hand and a heart of forgiveness.
Not that I have already obtained this or have already reached the goal; but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me His own.Apostle Paul. Philipians 3:12.
In marriage, we are always under construction so we continue to work until the day the work is over- when we are called up yonder.
“The price of greatness is responsibility.” Winston Churchill
There are lives that are very special from how the story is created and narrated. Such was Samson’s life. His conception was divine as it was God who said how it would be.
I have found the family life of Manoah and his wife very cool in as much as they had a serious family challenge that could have led to disastrous break up. They had lived a childless marriage very peacefully and seemed to enjoy the quality of what a good marriage is all about- openness, communicating, loving, peaceful and hopeful.
When the angel appeared to Manoah’s wife and gave the good news that she would be pregnant and give birth to a special child fully dedicated to divine duties, the husband was away. However, as usual, the wife presented the good news to the husband and they all connected with it. They agreed that the next time the angel appeared to her, she must hold him and ensure he delivers the same news to Manoah.
Probably Manoah wanted to be sure. However, it is how both always connected, agreed and worked together that encourages me. Ultimately, the angel reappeared and continued to confirm and affirm his previous message to the lady. He was also requested to see the man and relay the same information.
This is how Samson came to be conceived and born. A Nazirite whose life was to follow a certain pattern and be used to deliver Israel from its perennial challenges of being subdued by her neighbours.
The boy Samson grew up and became a very strong man whose energy and abilities were unmatched and unrivaled. Once when a lion came his way, he tore it into pieces. He fought his enemies using simple things like jaw bone and killing thousands upon thousands.
Samson’s life is narrated and marked with scandalous relationships that made him land in the hands of the enemy and ultimately, though victorious, was tragic and not the best. Gideon who came from the least of tribes and least of families seemed to have made more strides than Samson.
He had a lot of potential that was misdirected, scattered and produced below average results. His leadership compared to others in the Bible failed to put Israel in her position of authority. What are some lessons from Samson’s leadership that we can draw and use to rethink how we harness our kinetic abilities and prophetic unctions spoken about us?
Team Leadership
Samson led alone. He was a lone ranger who thought of his ideas and ran with them without engaging others to help him sieve and refine his thoughts. He never formed an army to help him go to war. Rather, he would do things with little consultation. While some of them he was victorious, he would have made great strides had he led with a team.
Distracted Leadership
He was a leader without clear focus and goals. His leadership failed to harness his potential as he scattered his energy everywhere. Leadership demands focus and attention to one’s purpose in life. Samson never had concentration at all.
“Vision doesn’t have much adhesive.” Andy Stanley
A failed family life
This man had it all figured out having been brought up in a family that was stable and progressive. He refused to listen to his parents when he was advised against a particular woman where he had interest. That was the beginning of his downfall. The Bible records that his family came for his body after he died, an indication that he lived a lone ranger life and his decisions were never approved by his parents and siblings.
Leadership is not about winning war alone. Leadership also looks at other serious things especially organizational one. It starts with self leadership where one must develop self control and be self motivated. It grows when one builds a clear vision and focus. It is nurtured through consistent lifestyle to the values and purpose of leading. Such leadership produces stability and progressive growth. There is transformation that is internal and external.
Samson’s life demonstrates that one can be divinely called but failed to lead divinely. He failed to lead Israel to the path of prosperity. He just fought battles single handedly then disappeared.
What distinguishes Christian leadership from other forms of leadership is that we do not trust in our work, abilities, and skills. Rather, we trust in the one who has called us and follows His instructions as we daily seek guidance from Him. This is a deep failure that Samson exhibited. He never matched his divine call with a regular divine seeking for God’s briefs. He stood on his own strength. Our own strength is sinking sand and will always gobble us.
The reality is that the higher one climbs on the leadership ladder, the higher one goes on Satan’s hit list. The enemy is more specifc, persistent, and intentional when it comes to attacking leaders. It is, therefore, one’s personal responsibility to be guarded and protected from the enemy. Self created enemies even make us much more vulnerable than we should.
In a world that is like a war zone, one needs to choose his or her own battles carefully. It is unnecessary to be on fight mode all the time. Learning how to put energy into positive construction of one’s life and community well-being should be of greater focus.
“Our greatest fear in life should not be of failure, but of succeeding at things in life that do not really matter.”Francis Chan, Crazy Love.
“It’s not enough to be good at what you do; how much joy and hope you bring to others really matters.” DAN REILAND
What would make one to talk or write about meetings? Meetings are the back bone of how the world is being run. We have meetings at a personal level where your body, heart and mind have to engage and agree on a common point mostly referred to as self talk. At family level they say that “a family that prays (meets) together stays together.” It means that meetings are the enablers of progress in implementation.
You need a driver’s license to operate a car but no qualifications to call a meeting, which means any fool can do so. MIKE WOODRUFF
Every leader must work on meetings to ensure they deliver. It is in meetings where a leader can share various aspects of the organization,initiate a discussion and come up with valid points of engagement for the future.
Meetings in essence are the places where leadership practices together planning, organizing, leading and controlling. It is the place where we show up for practise.
However, in as much as meetings are critical, not many leaders take this as an important aspect that requires planning, preparation, and skills for conducting the meeting itself in order to deliver. Many leaders view meetings as routine and may not be necessary. They engage their team informally or through impromptu engagements. While these may work in the short run, they are unsustainable and lead to destructive tendencies in leadership and organizational progress. Others have their meetings addressing a dozen of issues often leaving the most important topics to the point in the meeting when “time is up!”
Planning for meetings
When it comes to planning for meetings, there are various ways that it can be done. It is important to state that with many things being in a leader’s plate, planning for meetings by regular scheduling is critical.
An organization leadership works on this by agreeing on the regularity, duration and type of agenda to be discussed. The regularity here means determining how often the leadership should meet. In a fast-paced world, a leadership that only meets when there is an agenda will most likely not meet at all. Further, if they meet, they are likely to do so during crises. Good practice is when leadership determines the regularity and agrees to be meeting.
Leaders must also determine the duration of meetings. No one wants to sit in a meeting they cannot determine when and whether it will end. The organizational leadership must come up with an agreed amount of time to be taken. Good practice demands that a regular meeting needs to have determined amount of time allocated to it. Regular meetings take an average of one to three hours.
Lastly, planning also entails agreeing on the type of agenda to have in a meeting. Agenda really influences duration taken to clear the issues. Knowing the agenda also helps in thrashing what to bring for discussion, what to wait for another meeting and what can be discarded, or just needs consultation or informing.
The single biggest structural problem facing leaders of meetings is the tendency to throw every type of issue that needs to be discussed into the same meeting, like a bad stew with too many random ingredients. PATRICK LENCIONI. Death by meeting.
Preparations
There must be preparations towards a meeting. One cannot just wake up and undertake a meeting without making certain preparations. Such things as seating arrangements, refreshments, how to start each agenda among others.
A few critical things for the leader in order to have an effective meeting include: coming up with the agenda, thinking through the agenda, developing a perspective or points on that specific agenda. If a leader does not think through the agenda, most likely the meeting will fail either in having the meeting or realizing the objectives. Clarity of thoughts is only achieved when a leader does this.
Secondly, share the agenda clearly and precisely when sending notice of the meeting. Have you been to meetings whete an agenda item is shared and the room goes quiet not because the agenda is heavy but because they are thinking. Leaders need to think through agenda items early and just use the meeting to discuss and resolve. By the time attendees get to a meeting they should be clear on points they have about agenda items. This saves time and unnecessary arguments.
The other aspect of preparation is for the leader to think through how each agenda item will be introduced to elicit robust discussion. Some leaders introduce an agenda, explain it and end up delivering on the way forward without allowing members to contribute. Clarifying an agenda item then guiding discussions that are positive, productive and profitable is a leader’s key responsibility. Anything less will result in a talk shop or a dictatorial meeting.
Lastly, the minutes of the previous meeting need to be shared early enough for reflection and preparation of both matters arising and responses. I have seen where minutes are reviewed one by one to determine matters arising and the responses during the meeting. This is a real time waster because it indicates we are not reading the minutes early and we are not forward thinking. One of the things I have introduced in my meetings is that the secretary is to write the minutes and have a conclusive table showing actions. Actions are basically what becomes matters arising in the successive meetings.
No man is an island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main…..any man’s death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind; and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee. John Donne, Meditation XVII.
“Yawa en adier koso miriambo koso lek?” (Is it true or am I dreaming?) It is very common among the luos to hear such statements while mourning. It is a statement of disbelief and desperation. It is a rhetoric question to all who care to hear. In fact, it is never a question to others but to oneself to confirm and affirm that indeed the worst has happened. For the Tukutendereza group,it may mean mourning without hope like the world does. For others, it is just releasing the steam and stream of doubt and disbelief of the most obvious news- death.
Death always strikes us at our lowest when we least expect it. It meets us when we are most vulnerable and desperate. It sets in us discouragement, disillusionment, and general disorder. You see, even if your relative is very sick for so many days, months, or years, we always believe in God for a miracle. We never hope for anything different apart from healing.
When the Lord called mum Dorothy home, it was least expected as she had been on and off hospital. I believed in the miracle of the Lord. I remember how one time I sent her a message as I went through church photos and spotted her. Sharing the photo with her, I was so much convinced that she would come back to her spot. Indeed, after coming back she came and sat there severally.
I met mum Dorothy when I joined Kayole B PEFA church in the month of July, 2009. She was serving as one of the ushers in the church. Mum Dorothy was very warm and welcoming. The church then was small so she would greet all of us and encourage us to remain committed to Christ. A staunch Christian, a background that she always espoused and openly shared, Dorothy believed that our greatest focus is to go to heaven much more than any worldly pleasures and pain, comfort, and contentment.
In church life and even beyond, mum Dorothy was a very generous person. She touched lives by her generous hands. It is a trait that the whole family of pastor Sylas espouses. I would say this is one of their family values. While as a pastor’s wife, you expect that her hands are ready to receive, she generously and cheerfully gives. Board members have always received packs of fried omena and 5L yoghurt out of her generosity when they travel to Sori and Naivasha respectively.
She was highly social and save for the moments she was seated at the designated place for the pastoral team and their spouses, she would be found engaging every person irrespective of their social status. She mingled with everyone easily and freely. There is a bench outside the church where you would find her there holding tete-a- tete with church members. At other times at the gate, greeting everyone who was going home after the service.
She had a special respect for her leadership, irrespective of the fact that she was the pastor’s wife. She would not only support events financially but also participate fully. Two major events in our church calendar stands out: The Pastor’s Day and the Annual Valentine’s Dinner. She would participate without holding back anything. During our Annual Pastor’s Day, she would be among the highest contributors. The same was extended to supporting us meet the Valentine’s Dinner budget.
Calm, easy going, understanding and caring are just a few adjectives that are spoken about her by many. Mum Dorothy, as many of us called her, was that soft spoken lady who really cared about church members and other friends at large. She would speak softly but with power and authority.
We can remain with the comforting words of John at the Isaland of Patmos. Then I heard a voice from heaven, ‘Write this: “Blessed are the dead who die in the Lord from now on. “Yes,” says the Spirit, “they will rest from their labour, for their deeds follow them!”. (Revelation 14:13
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Even as we mourn, my heart really prays for my pastor, Pastor Sylas. A very dedicated and diligent servant of God. I pray that the Lord will comfort them together with their son Emmanuel. I do not have this experience of losing a spouse. Hence, talking about it is a tall order for me.
As human beings and especially those of us who have given their lives to Jesus Christ as personal Saviour, we live in two worlds. One is this temporal and transcientwhere the world and its desires will pass away. The other world is the one where Dorothy has gone to. It is the one that in a little while we will join her together with the King of glory. That confidence gives us some little strength to stand up and say, “Bye, mum. Bye for now. Tutaonana tena!”
“Life is no brief candle to me. It’s a sort of splendid torch which I’ve got hold of for the moment, and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations.”George Bernard Shaw.
Where, O death, is your victory?
Where, O death, is your sting?1 Corinthians 15:55.
Marriage journey is exciting and excruciating in equal measure! It is a journey of patience and perseverance; enjoyment and endurance, success, and sadness.
When we met on 2nd January, 2007 it was an ordinary meeting yet pregnant with a future unveiled and unimaginable. It was the life of two young and tender workmates. Talk of love brewed in the office. I had passed her by the stairs as I rushed for our devotion. Later, she was knocking at the door of our office and got in not as a client but as a staff. In the office, I needed to orient this new staff on work and mentor her to take over some of my work. My boss was on leave and I was the one acting in his absence.
We had good official interactions including guidance on even shoes to wear. This Nairobi girl had come to work in the city of Kisumu. The work entailed walking in the markets to sell loans to small scale business people. Stilettos was not one’s choice at all. However, here it was and I had to guide otherwise we would do the work of learning to walk rather than learning to work. A firm leader must give firm instructions even to the point of hate. This is one of the two instructions that were not taken kindly.
How does one balance between being (acting) a boss and creating romance adventure? Romance is not created in the big imaginative acts which a man may think of all day long. Rather, it is created in the small acts not necessarily to stir and spur love but just to respond to a sister’s need. This is the biggest lesson I learnt. My simple and honest acts of support left indelible markings of thoughts. I won not because I did big things to attract someone’s attention but because I did small things to support someone that genuinely needed help.
These acts created fondness. We found ourselves in official and social spaces and the interaction grew. Thursdays we worked together from 5.30am to 6pm and that made the friendship grow more and more. This lady became my best friend. We shared intimately our future,fears and frustrations. We were literally vulnerable to each other. However, it is surprising that in that one year journey before tying the knot, the majority of our clients never suspected anything of romance.
It is a romance that one day saw my friend Lucas Owako and I spend a night in the police cells of Kondele when overzealous policemen grabbed us into their waiting lorry. As fate would have it, the cell was used to confirm and affirm that was taking place silently in our hearts.
How has this journey been since 15th December, 2007? We got into marriage with two goals if not three. First, to be best friends forever. This did not mean abandoning our best individual friends but strengthening the bond of the two of us to the extent that our individual friends become part of it. This aspect of social and emotional intimacy has glued us really together. It has kept us going in good and bad times. During those seasons, we have remained tight and our friends have even kept us tighter.
Our second goal was and is to glorify God in our marriage. He is and has been the centre that holds us together. We have sought to have God’s altar raised high in our family. His banner remains lifted high. He is our anthem, our anchor and our antennae. What a joy that this has enabled us to follow and serve Him. It is this aspect of spiritual intimacy that has guided one of our family philosophy: serving together as a couple. We believe so much that ministry is easier when our pursuit of God and His service is joint rather than individual.
Our last goal was and still is to be an example to the world. You see the world blows trumpet sounds daily to declare the end of marriage. Divorce rate is high, separation is becoming normal and we have also just room mates. These negative outcomes are really magnified by social and mainstream media. However, from our perspective, there are millions of marriages that are flourishing. We cannot let the devil to throw away God’s important will and plan for us. God saw it fit that two imperfect beings could come together and deal with the problem of loneliness. There is no better antidote like marriage.
These three goals as stated have kept us stay the course even when storms come. Storms come from year two to seven. In between that period we begin the storming and each party changes. Ours started in year four and culminated in year five of our marriage. Our year five was especially tough because we disagreed so many times and each person would suggest the need to separate. There were moments people packed and would wait to say bye before leaving. I remember this one evening when my wife packed and hid the bags so that I know she has gone. She then switched off her phone. Weuh! I searched everywhere in the house, compound and estate. At their place they had not seen her so I was wondering where she was. After a grueling three hour search I found her! What a joy! What a hug! Such moments reminded us that we are inseparable. Our human desire for separation cannot take away God’s plan of lifetime partners. These days we say no one is leaving the other person.
Our first five years (one year of courtship/ engagement and the rest of marriage) remain the SI unit or the marking scheme of marriage. Any reference of joy, peace, love and other romantic emotions are drawn from there. During that period, there were no doubts about our love for each other (it does not mean we no longer love).
Year five or the sixth year of our relationship came with a bang bang. We moved from twa twa to boo boo. We would disagree basically over everything and anything. Our vocabulary were full of such words as “unanisinya“, “you have changed”, “you are not the person I met”, “Kama hunitaki niambie niende kwetu”. Worst moments were Sundays when you are just preparing for church then all over sudden you are made to discover that you have done another mistake. The behavior or response or look in the eyes would show you that. At times you were going to minister then you are told, ‘hata nashangaa unaenda kuhubiri nini wangeniuliza tu niwaambie vile you are a pretender!”
We discovered how to build each other without wanting to be in charge. You see the biggest threat to marriage is the (sibling) rivalry that rocks our houses. Couples develop tit for tat responses that are basically unhealthy and end up breaking the trust and destroying the building blocks.
We became children again in our marriage just to develop intimacy (social, emotional, spiritual and physical intimacy) that could spur our marriage to a better future. We opened our channels of communication with each other in terms of media used, frequency of communication and the worthiness of the message. Further we realized that our body language and gestures were even a great part of our communication and needed to be sharpened and refined.
Standing
Then after the battle you will still be standing firm.Ephesians 6:13
If there is anything that I have learnt in this journey is the ability to stand firm because the world and Satan are in the business of ensuring we are deflated, defeated and ultimately defect to his faied camp. The need to stand strong is very critical. How does this take place in a marriage set up?
Standing for.
We have learnt how to stand for each other. Man is never self-sustaining or self sufficient. A decision to take over the burdens of each other is important. She has literally picked my issues and handled them as hers. It is that level of intimacy that drives one’s spouse to bear the load on behalf of the other person. It is a selfless act to take over the burdens of the other person. My wife fights for her family. She will be there to guard me and us.
Standing with
One needs a close friend who will walk with you in your challenges. The spouse that never leaves you nor forsakes you. I remember this pont in our marriage when we were buying our first car. After the purchase, we barely stayed with the car and ended up losing both our money and the car. You need a spouse that is able to overlook the money and be willing to be together with you. She was there with me. There were many questions and concerns, but she asked none as others asked them. What manner of comfort did I get? I will forever be grateful. It was your money, but you never looked at money as something to be grasped. Our joy together was much more important than the hundreds of thousands we had lost.
Standing up to
While we have the opportunity to carry or be with your spouse, I believe, a good marriage is not the place to tolerate everything. We have come upto this point because she has literally told me off over certain issues. Marriage, as Dorothy or Mama Baraka says, is the only place that even if you are a quiet woman there is a trait that must come out of showing your spouse that ‘hiyo ujinga sipendi na sitaki.’ As a man I need that firm voice that reprimands me and reminds me am straying from the course. The voice is very strong on our goals, our focus and the fact that am not allowed to do the contrary.
Appreciation
I cannot finish this article without recognising the efforts of numerous people and groups who have not only been a cloud of witness but also inspired the initiation, growth and progress todate. We are here because you have been here to keep us going.
The Lord that we serve together as a couple has remained our firm pillar. He is our SI unit for any action and decision. Secondly are my colleagues then who encouraged both us that it was possible that God was calling us for marriage. They saw the love we had for each other and encouraged the attempt. Lucas Owako, Bonfas Muthusi, Ruth Bett, Collet, Dad Josh Olang, and Melissa Oluoko. Dad Josh particularly negotiated for me to have my wife. When the family were still doubtful of a love brewed, he was the assurance that he had known me and could vouch for me. The efforts of many to ensure we had a colourful wedding then (what we did then now looks like child play when we see today’s weddings).
However, marriage journey is not a walk in the park. This journey has been made easy by my peers who have encouraged us along the way. The Moto moto couples fellowship in Far East and Kayole B PEFA church have been places for authentic discussions on how to keep the fire burning. It is the place where we say it as it is without fear of being branded that your marriage is on the rock. These groups check on us, pray for us and put us to account for our lives. I can’t mention all of you by name. Special mention though of Dad Gilbert Osumba and mum Ruth who turned our fellowship to study Ndoa, a book by pastor Muriithi and Carol Wanjau. This book shaped the less than 10 families than gathered every fortnight to learn. It is where we repaired our walls during the fifth year. Jacob and Cyntha Oduor who have led that fellowship to another level of growth. The vulnerability here is of unimaginable proportions.
Moto moto fellowship in one of their past annual retreats
Lastly, it is my Beloved Couples family. You guys are special. Your belief in us to guide you, mentor and walk with you not just for your marriage but also all your life has been a place of true north. We cannot give what we do not have. We have to continue striving because as our children you are looking up to us: Nicholas & Jackie, Collins and Maureen, Geoffrey and Rose, John and Jackie, Dennis and Dorothy, Oscar and Diana, Edwin and Irene, Steve and Kezzia, Frank and Jenny, George and Ruth, Fred and Carren, Eldon and Pauline and Sam and Herine. You are our joy, our crown. You are the results of our commitment to one another. I thank God for the genuine fellowship that we share as a family and as individuals. I thank God that none of you has given up. Each day, you are growing stronger and stronger.
Part of the Beloved family
Now unto Him who is able to keep us safe from falling and present us faultles before the Father. To Him be glory, power, honour and authority forever and ever. Amen.
A pictorial representation of the load on the shoulder of an African dad.
As the world has continued to transform into one global family so has many changes taken place. One of this is the diarization and marking of special days to emphasise some important event or subject matter. Consequently, we now mark many days globally including Day of the African child, World Toilet Day, Mother’s Day, International Women’s Day, Father’s Day among others. These special occasions provide us with an opportunity to review, reflect and refresh our thoughts, words and actions over the subject.
Hence, this week I would like to look at fatherhood, a critically important aspect of child upbringing and societal stability. Over the years, fatherhood has been eroded by the campaigners of equality. They brought competition rather than complimentarily engaging the two genders. We now have a society where fatherhood is not really recognizable because major voices do not give it a hearing or a proclamation. In fact, you would wonder whether it is “Happy Father’s day or Happy Responsible Father’s Day”! Why adjectives have to be added to qualify it leaves a lot to be desired. It is like saying, “Happy World Clean Toilet Day”! In other fronts, single mothers are also trying to claim a share of the Father’s Day by trying to demonstrate what they have done due to the absence of the fathers of those children.
A social media creation on how father’s feel.
Fatherhood has therefore become lonely, forgotten, abandoned, smitten until when the stability of society was shattered did we begin to feel the pain. You see because of the things that happen around us like fathers abandoning mothers with children, children with single parents (mothers), new socio economic dynamics like money economy, fathers have literally found themselves on the receiving end for failures that exist both at family and society level. We must rework our society to appreciate the role of fathers in the lives of their children.
Fatherhood is an institution that must be respected irrespective of the conduct of the men who are to exhibit and manifest it. It is not a gender role as some are misguided to think so. I believe fatherhood is biological and grows from certain traits that probably are as a result of the high presence of testerone hormone. Someone with estrogen cannot and should not begin to purport to have that ability. Fatherhood is not just providing for the family.
The author’s quote
Men have really been disadvantaged a lot in the last few years. Education has made women to get out of homes from their traditional gender roles. Men have had to even move much farther away in search of bread. In as much as equality is being propagated, a man is still expected to prove that he (can) is providing for his family even in situations where the woman is even earning more than him. The traditional roles where a father would spend with his children like farming, herding and clearing bushes are no longer there. Men now must creatively look for time to be with their family especially children. Some fathers and mothers have resorted to just have weekend pizzas and assume that is sufficient.
Fatherhood demands a lot of intentional, deliberate and conscious efforts for the father to realize it. Unfortunately, men are always engrossed in many other things that they rarely take notice of this noble assignment. The societal expectation on being a provider has taken such a centre stage in the life of man. It is made worse by the fact that our appetite for good things is untamed; technology is also leading to new inventions. As a result, there is more burden on the shoulder of man. Let me also add that the traditional roles of a woman like fetching water, firewood, going to the market have also been taken by the working/ urban man. Because of the monetized economy, the man has to provide cash for all these thus the burden for looking for money has really increased and shifted to man. Even with all the failures that the modern woman is feeling or creating, fathers must be respected and honored. The society should not allow for desecration of the altar of fatherhood through diversionary tactics, besmirching statements and epithets that paint fathers in bad light. We must be willing to shape and sharpen man to take his original position. We must be willing to submit in humility to the leadership of fathers in order to experience the shalom of God in our relationships. The men who are failing as husbands and fathers are our sons, brothers, nephews etcetera. Consequently, the call is to the whole society to rise up and help man stand up and be counted to do their mandate.
Some of the failures of man on matters fatherhood are personal and should be dealt with. The dead beat fathers or baby daddies must continually be challenged to take the right steps expected of a responsible father. Others are societal and require the efforts of the whole community to change them. Other failures are complex to describe but I believe the complimenting roles of men and women can reduce the impact.
Sometimes back in a conversation with a senior father, he told me the daughter will be taken to the new school by the mother because he had done everything required and needed to sustain their business by remaining behind while the mother takes the daughter to school. It looks genuine statement though the father needs to be enlightened about the changing landscape of parenting.
It is such type of action that were taken recently by a school in Baringo by planning an exclusive academic day just for the male parents. It was a huge success and many of those male parents who attended easily acknowledged their failure and inadequate representation in the academic lives of their children.
When it comes to parenting and fatherhood for that matter, men have numerous blind spots. It takes a lot of effort to recognize and acknowledge the need for support. Many fathers have deficient ability to nurture as mothers are wired. We will only achieve an equilibrium state when we all work together not to to castigate but to collaborate and compliment our roles as mothers and fathers.
The natural wiring that calls for complementarity rather than name calling.
This is my second letter to you again. This matter I consider it serious and worth writing another letter to remind, guide and warn of the need to take serious assessment of the steps you are taking or already taken.
My desire in writing this letter is so that you may choose wisely your spouses, young men and women.
In the last few years there has been an uproar by young men and women over the deteriorating manners of both genders, especially when one is considering marriage. As a result, we have team “mafisi”, team “kula fare” among others.
This is a clear sign that either our morals are degenerating or that things have changed not for the better but for the worse. While the society may laugh and make names out of this, it is clear that we must re-look at our moral fabric and speak to our conscience so that we do the right thing the right way.
Marriage is an institution ordained by God. Unlike the contemporary ways of having many family types, it is the biblical way of initiating, growing and establishing a family. Strong families established in a godly way make nations and communities stronger and stable.
In the last several years, however, there has been a growing number of other forms of families. While we are bound to accept them, it is important to clearly point out the way God wanted and designed families to exist.
The degeneration that is going on is because the world has introduced new standards of spousal selection. These are subtle but ingenious ways cleverly invented by our wicked hearts. We have lost the path, the art and the nut of not only getting the right spouse but also of bolting the relationship to endure trials, tests and temptations.
The place of prayer
Today, reasons like caring, kind, gentle among others fill the lips and tongues of those who give reasons why they settled on a particular person. On the other hand, we have subtly but firmly made it clear that one should not try to show that God “spoke”. Maybe that can be shared later, not a reason for immediacy.
As a result, this has made more believers not to focus on prayer for guidance but just to be looking for those physical, tangible and seen traits. Signs like hand bag carrying, regular MPesa receipts (the term generous is commonly used here) are some of the major evidence for a choice. Ole wako if you are broke. Dating is becoming an expensive game. There is no serious focus on their relationship with God, inner character like honesty and integrity. Ruth the wife of Billy Graham was attracted because of some intrinsic factor.
Shun the physical and naked eye considerations because human beings change and are liars as the Scripture puts it.
God is not human, that he should lie, not a human being, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill?Numbers 23:19.
It is therefore, foolhardy to use the words or actions of a human being as the basis of your commitment. This leads to disappointments everyday. I believe these words should be backed by God Himself and affirmed by a commitment to remain faithful and true first to the initiator of marriage and secondly to the other person. However, unlike our covenant keeping God, as human beings we tend to slip away when things are tough.
The voice of God must be very clear in the one that you choose as the one to spend your life with. It cannot be wished away and our feelings allowed to reign in guiding our decision. Remember feelings are very erratic.
Abraham, Eliezer, Rebekah and Isaac
Then he prayed, ‘Lord, God of my master Abraham, make me successful today, and show kindness to my master Abraham. See, I am standing beside this spring, and the daughters of the townspeople are coming out to draw water. May it be that when I say to a young woman, “please let down your jar that I may have a drink, and she says, “Drink and I will water your camels too”- let her be the one that you have chosen for your servant Isaac. By this I will know that you have shown kindness to my master Abraham.Genesis 24:12-14
That prayer bore results. I believe we must pray for God to order our steps; get clarity of vision and decision and find the boldness and confidence to walk and respect the choice one has made.
From that prayer we learn how the society then was united in search of a spouse for one. Here we find the father, Abraham and of course the rest of Rebekah’s family. There was prayer, consultation, consensus and clear signals from the Lord. The odds are against the young people today because either parents, unlike Abraham, are unconcerned and uninvolved or the young people themselves neither seek nor want the counsel of their parents on such a matter.
Ruth & Billy Graham
That Sunday afternoon was cold and snowy. With Ruth Campbell sitting beside me in Pierce Chapel, I did not pay much attention to the music. Afterward we walked over to the Lane house for a cup of tea, and we had a chance to talk. I just could not believe that anyone could be so spiritual and so beautiful at one and the same time. Ruth went back to her room (she told me later), got on her knees, and told the Lord that if she could spend the rest of her life serving Him with me, she would consider it the greatest privilege unimaginable. Billy Graham, Just as I am.
What is God’s purpose for my marriage?
It is fundamentally important to ask this question for two people who are starting a marriage relationship. Initially when people have started the chemistry is so high expressed in deep feelings and words of appreciation for each other. During such moments it is very difficult to even imagine that a relationship can be without a purpose.
While marriage as God instituted has a purpose, I believe that two people getting into it must clearly hear and be able to articulate God’s voice concerning their marriage relationship. This is the voice of reason that will help weather the storms when they come. It is the voice of referral which you can remind your spouse about during misunderstanding, conflict or even when direction is needed. No single marriage relationship is to take the purposes of the other. This is because every marriage relationship is uniquely designed, founded and managed.
“For I have chosen him, so that he will direct his children and his household after him to keep the way of the Lord by doing what is right and just, so that the Lord will about for Abraham what He has promised him.” Genesis18:19
God is clearly giving Abraham a clear reason for choosing his household. You see when you read the Scripture you discover that God’s call, though to an individual, mostly will involve the whole family and moves through generations. Every spouse is given a distinct role by others by clearly stating while some by inference.
Adam and Eve are given their mandate of multiplication, naming animals and having dominion over the earth. He sticks to delivering but fails along the way when they are lured by Satan to give in. God has always ordained man and woman to play great roles on earth not only for one another but also for the world as a whole. Satan has also followed suit to use this institution when those involved open the access door for him.
What attracts you to a man or woman?
In a materialistic world which is poorly fed on spiritual diet, we have the challenge of looking and believing in false ideologies. Today, we are attracted to things like caring (the most common reason). Surprisingly, the care is about “me” not even about others.
Am reminded of the love story of Hudson Taylor,the England missionary to China.
“In spite of the chaos in Shanghai and the burdens of his work there, Hudson could not get his mind off the lovely Maria. And back in Ningbo, Maria could not get her mind off Hudson. She was attracted by his commitment to the Chinese people and his willingness to be dependent on God alone.”The Heroes who changed the world, Scandinavia.
Ruth Campbell was attracted to Billy Graham by the commitment the young Billy had towards the Lord. We cannot leave things to chance and hope all will be well. The attraction we so much need is one that is eternal where we are attracted to the person by their deep desire to live out God’s agenda, values and aspirations.
As we look at this major decision, may we not be carried away by things that are physical, tangible and that can be seen. Rather, let us focus on the eternal which are beyond the disruptions and disturbances of the temporal.
Jezebel the daughter of Ethbaal who was priest and king of Tyre and Sidon got married to Ahab to ratify an alliance between Tyre and Israel. Omri, Ahab’s father, had determined to reduce the hostility between the two nations. Jezebel was allowed to continue worship of her native god, baal.
She exhibited character traits of domineering, self willed and very forceful. This dominance even continued after the death of her husband Ahab into the reign of Ahaziah and Jehoram. After her death, her spirit of dominance continued. Her influence continued even over her son Ahaziah who took over. Cousins were now influencing each other as they were reigning both sides (Israel and Judah).
2 Chronicles 18-23 is a dramatic story of King Jehoram who, when he was fully established, decided to marry one of Ahab’s daughters, Athaliah. Athaliah causes great havoc in Judah.
Judah’s kings were generally known to follow the way of the Lord just like their father David had done. However, Athaliah from Ahab’s family made this commitment to God wane. She influenced Jehoram who killed all his brothers.
Jehosheba from a different mother (and married to a priest, Jehoiada) hides Joash in the temple till when he is seven years old. Jehoiada’s kindness and obedience to God’s word makes him dethrone Athaliah and install Joash.
This story is a clear indication that spousal choice, though personal, must really be a serious concern. Who you are marrying and where the person is coming from is very critical. Check the person’s lineage; establish that there is no link with the past.
My own thoughts are that if Jehoram had not married from Ahab’s family then Judah as a kingdom and Jehoram as an individual would have followed the Lord just as his father Jehoshaphat and grandfather Asa.
Even Joash probably was Influenced again by his cousins to kill Zechariah the son of Jehoiada, the chief priest because of this marriage liaison.
Jezebel’s spirit can be described as competing and condescending rather than Complementary and completing. In a world where there is forced gender competition, choosing a wrong marriage partner will result in a chaotic life where there is no peace. Jezebel’s spirit is not just about a woman but cuts across even men. One must be on the lookout just as the bible says “watch and pray”. It is marred with fearless courage coupled with dishonesty in life. Marriage requires one hundred percent honesty. Deceiving your partner destroys the game. Jezebel’s do not even blink because dishonesty, selfishness and a life of dominance is their nature.
In conclusion, marry from a family where there is fear of the Lord either brought by the parents or by the person you want to marry. Deal with generational curses and issues that may interfere with your life as a covenant spouse. Watch out for the Jezebels that today dominate society in the name of achievers, independent, bold and goal oriented. Learn to hear your instincts and make right decisions. Give thought to every action. Scrutinize every covenant.
Engage your parents, peers and personal friends for honest advice and opinion. Use that to make judgment and godly guided decisions.
“Leadership is energizing a community of people toward their own transformation in order to accomplish a shared mission in the face of a changing world.”Tod Bolsinger.
There is no single important asset as the people who belong to an organization. They include the lead and the leading. In one way or another everyone is being led and everyone is leading. In fact, they say that people and not programs matter most. However, everyone has their orientation or leaning towards either programmes or people.
Bad followers result in poor leadership and ultimately a failed organization that cannot realize her objectives. Therefore, it is important that we engage ourselves to ensure that the quality of stakeholders (volunteers, workers, staff, customers, board members, leadership team) is one that promotes the ideals of the organization.
You see it is from members that we draw leaders. Generally, then, a poor leadership show is because the followership is also incapacitated and defective. Poor followership manifests in bad culture, poor attitude towards work, lethargic performance, negative attitude among others.
Followership just like leadership is manifested in the quality of the thoughts, decisions, actions, behavior and responsibilities. How important, then it is to have growth and progress not just for leadership but for followership as well. The investments put to enhance the quality of leadership should also be used to enhance followership.
“Christian community is about gathering and forming a people, and spiritual transformation is about both the individual and corporate growth, so that they-together- participate in Christ’s mission to establish the kingdom of God “on earth as it is in heaven”. Tod Bolsinger
How do I respond when my leader is in crisis?Genesis 9:18-23
Ham, Noah’s son, fails to cover the father’s nakedness. Rather, he goes to share with his brothers before covering the nakedness. It always looks mouth watering to share negative information about others or talk about their weakness. Bad news about leaders spread so fast and many have itching ears and lips for it. We have to protect our leaders by avoiding exposure of their weakness. We cover that nakedness and deal with them rather than share in public.
In a world where people have itching ears, many followers fall into the trap of always wanting to have “juicy” news about their leaders. Their interest is neither on the welfare of the leader nor of the organization. In Kenya today we have newspapers, magazines and social media handles that thrive on writing and selling news that exposes leaders negatively. It is very unfortunate that we have fallen to such deceptions.
What type of followers do you have as a leader? Genesis 12:14,15.
The story of Pharaoh’s servants in this scripture portion intrigues me. Look at what they pick to share with Pharaoh and the outcome. They meet a new family that has come to live among them. Maybe they were senior immigration officials based at the state house. What report do they send to Pharaoh?
“And when Pharaoh’s officials saw her, they praised her to the pharaoh, and she was taken into his palace.”Genesis 12:15
As we walk with others, what manner of advice do we give them? These officials saw nothing else that could build the kingdom except to add pharaoh another wife. Their decision resulted in worse consequences for the kingdom. Have quality advisors in life. Have people who will see beyond the ordinary. They should have questioned their thoughts on this matter.
We all must work at ensuring that the people who are close to us are quality advisors. Leaders must continue to challenge the membership to strengthen their ability to be led effectively. They should provide opportunities for such too. In order to have quality followership, an organization through its leadership should constantly focus on having membership that are focused on the goal rather than sideshows.
“The central issue is never strategy, structure, culture or systems. All those elements are important. But the core of the matter is always about changing the behavior of the people, and behavior change happens in highly successful situations mostly by speaking to people’s feelings.” John P. Kotter
Quality relationships
Leadership and followership is complimentary. A leader must be a Chief Energy Officer, exuding confidence by building relationships that make the followers feel appreciated, recognized and part of the team. It should not be a subordinate kind of relationship but one where there is mutualism. A followership uninterested in building friendship and bonds that withstand the pressures of a growing organization will most likely return the organization to the deathbed.
Honest feedback
A leader can only gain the confidence of members when there is openness to ideas and thoughts from members or followers. Some leaders are open to ideas but they will never implement any of the ideas. This discourages followers from sharing feedback in and for the future. Honest feedback entails both positive and negative. Some can be very painful but as a leader, learn to respond gently and take all the feedback as an opportunity for growth and improvement. Good followers are always sharing feedback with their leaders on their performance, hits and misses, opportunities, possible innovations with a desire to take the organization and her people to the next level of growth.
“Only the mediocre die always at their best. Real leaders are always improving- and raising their bar on how superbly they can perform and how quickly they can move.”Jean Giraudoux.
Eye on the goal and ball
Winning is not an easy venture. It involves pursuit where at times some get tired. However, when others get tired, the rest continue the pursuit without demanding that everyone be in. Good members will not become lax or withhold the pursuit just because others are not supporting. Rather, like the armour bearer, they run with their leader in pursuit till the goal is reached.
The battle is tough and fierce. Every leader requires a never give up men and women who will lift her or his hands up as the battle rages on till the victory is delivered. Probably, this could be the reason why the Scripture has very good words for the thirty three men of David.
Executors
It is in doing that we actually deliver results. Good ideas and plans are not enough. They only make sense if implemented. Followership must not only be keen implementors but also ones who put their leaders on toes to ensure they not only deliver on their mandate but also deliver it with excellence and quality.
What I really lack is to be clear in my mind what am to do, not what I am to know…The thing is to understand myself, to see what God really wishes me to do…to find out the idea for which I can live and die.Soren Kierkegaard
Historical evidence shows that the lifespan of a missionary who was coming to Africa was two years in the 17th century. It was a painful event and many who decided to come actually died before arriving in Africa. They would come against the grain of tropical diseases, hostile climate, difficult terrain among others. It is stated that others even packed their belongings in a coffin so that when they die they would just be put in the coffin and taken back home.
Hudson Taylor in his missionary assignment lost his children and friends to death. At one point he was not sure whether he needed to be in India or back to England. He forfeited all the pleasures the world was offering just to share his life. It is selflessness and desire to accomplish God’s call in his life.
At age eighteen, a young Yugoslavian girl by the name Anjenze Gonxhe Bojaxhiu left her motherland to serve the church in Ireland. Later on she moved to India after Father Jambrekovich had encouraged her to take the assignment because being a missionary would make her happy. This is how Mother Theresa left her widowed mother and siblings to serve in India. Even in India she got tired of living in the Convent because it was too comfortable. How could she live there while myriad of people were suffering just outside the fence of their residence? She had to make request to be allowed to go and leave with those suffering from poverty and diseas
“What then shall I do, with Jesus who is called the Christ?” This is a question that is posed by Pilate as he wondered what he could do with Christ. I reflect on this question because it challenges me whether we really care and get concerned with what we do with Jesus Christ. It disturbs me the reason why Christ is Lord over my life. Is it the bread and the blessings? Do I cling because I know tomorrow He will supply; my life will become better; he will fulfill my dreams, plans, hopes and ambitions? Or do I follow Him because I love Him and just as He has selflessly offered Himself to me I can give my best to Him irrespective of my circumstances?
There are two sources of unhappiness in life. One is not getting what you want; the other is getting it.George Bernard Shaw.
In his book, The Radical Disciple, John Stott describes various types of Jesus. The generation we live in has made Christ King for the wrong reason- just my thought. We spend many hours agonizing in prayer looking for cars, homes, big families, good life among others. Miracles, bread and blessings have seized the moment in our hearts rather than JESUS! Every day this world tempts us to covet, to lust, to consume, to exploit, to dominate. This strategy by the world is subtle and rarely noticeable. We have found a way of surviving with Jesus and the world as one package.
The reality is that this is not the way of the Scripture. The Holy Book guidelines are very clear and we have to follow that way if we are to inherit eternal life.
Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it. What good will it be for someone to gain the whole world, yet forsake their soul? Or what can anyone give in exchange for their soul?”Mathew 16:24-26. NIV
Every act of resistance over the seductions of the visible world and its pleasures is a victory. Learning to resist and stand for Jesus amidst the pressures and pleasures of the world is a real act of obedience.
However, this is not so easy today. We are breeding a different breed of believers. The world has introduced very good things. They are not bad at all. They are things that make us comfortable to live in the world. A closer look at this sense of comfort is what intrigues me. The comfort has come with myriad opportunities to do things that are not necessarily evil but that deny us an opportunity to serve the kingdom diligently, faithfully and reliably.
“My work” says Jesus, “ is to do the will of the one who sent me and finish the task”. Jesus declares that the only satisfaction and completion, self fulfillment is in finishing the work of the Father and doing His will. Many times as believers we are so preoccupied with the things that do not matter. The Nairobi Christian is worst affected. Working. Studying. Moonlighting. We are so much engaged that we end up achieving nothing. Surely the law of focus needs to apply. Concentrate on the main thing and the rest will fall in place.
The sense of comfort and security in these things especially the worldly materials are not only enticing but also enslaving. Our appetite to accumulate and indulge in more exercises in the name of achievement and hard work drives us to a point where we not only have time for rest but also have little or no time to serve God and His people.
Paul in his various letters uses the words…slave, servant to denote the level of engagement he has with the master. He could not deviate or divert. He had to do God’s work His way. He says, “O king Agrippa, I was not disobedient to the vision.” Are you disobedient to God’s vision that He has invested in your life? Paul reminds Timothy to stir up the gift of God in him. Do we realize that many of us have inherent potential? That God has put us in certain positions because of what He has already deposited in us? How do we dare allow ourselves to be taken aback by the things that should not consume us?
We must redefine ourselves. Change process is only possible when motivated by a spiritual conviction that the path we are taking and treading is wrong and against the will of God. It must be a conviction on what the Word and not the world says about following Jesus.
We must reject this dualism spirit that has engrossed us as a result of the prosperity and success gospel. Identifying with the life (or way) of Jesus in both his example and teachings as verbalized in the Gospel must be our desire if we are to gain eternal life.
In certain games there is usually half time or even “time out” in volleyball. This is meant to take stock, to listen and learn. It is time to grow weary of the self and declare like the psalmist:
“Search me, God, and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way of everlasting.”Psalm 139:23-24.
Dear friends we must get back to the things that matter. Satan will continue luring us subtly with things that matter less. We will be successful in them yet they are taking us nowhere.
Our greatest fear should not be of failure, but of succeeding at things in life that don’t really matter. Francis Chan, Crazy Love
Apostle Paul gave a candid appraisal of who we are: “Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many of you were influential; not many of you were of noble birth.”
The scramble to be good, better and successful will drive us crazy and leave us hopeless and helpless in a world that is seeking to make us together with Jesus the star.
Remember, dear brothers and sisters, that few of you were wise in the world’s eyes or powerful or wealthy when God called you. Instead, God chose things that world considers foolish in order to shame those who think they are wise. And he chose things that are powerless to shame those who are powerful. God chose things despised by the world, things counted as nothing at all, and used them to bring to nothing what the world considered important. As a result, no one can ever boast before God. 1 Corinthians 1:26-29. NLT.
We must be conscious of the fact that the attractions of the visible world perpetuated by Satan overwhelm the spiritual arm of us committed to Christ. This consciousness should drive us to deliberately and intentionally shy away from and shun the world and its desires.
The success metrics of measuring a successful church or ministry can also drive us crazy. We are busy looking at attendance, buildings and cash. This ABC matrix makes us pull in the wrong direction if not closely watched especially the motivation behind it. Are we successful at practicing the Scripture to be His disciples? Are we fruitful in terms of the fruit of the spirit of love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control?
Apostle Paul after carefully examining the Galatian church, reminded them that “I am astonished that you are so quickly deserting the one who called you to live in the grace of Christ and are turning to a different gospel- which really is no gospel at all.”
wambiablog 